So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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