I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
