Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
