The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
