You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
