Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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