Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
