I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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