the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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