I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
