my being single is dangerous.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
