her facebook's as public as her vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
