Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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