she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
