I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
