How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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