I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
