do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
