my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
