just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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