Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
