I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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