I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
