don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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