I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
