i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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