But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
