Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
