I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
