my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
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I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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