just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
mondays should just be called national damage control day
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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