sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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