You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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