Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Sober January is a disaster.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
