you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
