so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
