I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
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Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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