these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
