just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Randomize
