I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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