Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
