rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Woke up backwards on a recliner
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
