took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
