you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
so let's talk penis.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
