Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
