SEEEEXXX PLEASE
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
