so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
