Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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