My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my shit smells like andre
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
