I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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