I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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