you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
