in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
