So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
