All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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