Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
