Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
