Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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