Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
