I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
