Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
