So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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