I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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