we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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