I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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