Swine flu. Run for my life!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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