this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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