drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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