So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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