Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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