i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
