Welp...herpes.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
