I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
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i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
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stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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