If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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