went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
